Ned Beatty Redux

Banjo hitters galore

It is almost as unbearable to look at the bottom of our lineup today as it is to watch that awful, iconic scene from Deliverance. LaRue .067, Miles .250, Lohse .111, Izturis .182. If the 6-9 slots get 10 ABs and muster a HBP, a sac bunt and a ground ball that advances a runner, it'll be a sterling offensive performance that will leave me squealing in delight....

...9th Inning Update: Well, smack my ass and call me Judy. The banjos are 6-15, 1 BB, 0K, 3R, 3 RBI and Izturis even added the ever crucial HBP I was hoping for.

BCTP Bonanza

I'll see your silly little cliché and raise you three.

Talk about being thrown a hanging curve. I don't think I've received as rich a gift as this since my neighbor got engaged and had to give away his porn collection. Generations from now anthropologists will point to this as the textbook example of Spring Training gibberish:

So La Russa isn’t sweating Izturis’ poor offensive and defensive start this spring.

“You just watch, he’s a real good looking fielder,” La Russa said. “He has great, quiet hands. He has an accurate arm. He’s very quick. Picks a ball up like it’s nothing. Very impressive.

“I liked him from the first time I saw him with the Dodgers. He is really fun to watch catch the ball.

“Offensively, he hasn’t had a big hitting spurt or anything like that, but he’s putting the ball in play. He’s working. He’s also shown, by the way, good legs. That’s an important part of the game.

“He’s a very useful offensive player. He can do anything. He can put the ball in play, bunt.”

WOW. File this one under Faint Praise, Damning with. I wish I had time to fully unpack this 123 word gem. Wait, I can. Izturis' offensive impact will be sacrifice bunts and pinch running.

Hmmmm, digging a little deeper I see something else, "real good looking...good legs...he can do anything." I think we can all agree on what this means. Cesar Izturis: Male prostitute.