(Get) A Sporting Life

Sad times indeed : Barry Ferguson and Allan McGregor have been dropped for Scotland's World Cup qualifier tonight for being "too Scottish", the Scottish Football Association have confirmed. It is understood the Rangers duo were displaying their "blatant Scottishness" in a drinking session at Scotland's Loch Lomond base after they returned from Saturday's 3-0 defeat by Holland in Amsterdam. "It was shocking!" shrieked SFA spokesman I. Fellate Youngboys to the media on Wednesday. "We had no idea this sort of thing could happen. First these two borrowed 90 pounds from the head coach, and then they bought a bottle of that horrid 'Scotch'. And then, to make matters worse, they drank it!" Mr. Youngboys then preceded to squeal and stamp his feet. "It gives me the silly willies just thinking about it." It is alleged that Ferguson, 31, and McGregor, 27, carried on drinking and reciting Robert Burns' poetry in front of gue...

From the "You've Got To Be Kidding Me" file: NFL Commissioner Defends Destroying Tapes In the face of congressional pressure over destroying evidence from the Spygate scandal, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell defended his actions Friday. Goodell also said he'd be willing to meet with Sen. Arlen Specter, who sent a letter to the commissioner the previous day asking why tapes shot by the New England Patriots in the cheating scandal were destroyed. "The reason I destroyed the tapes is they were totally consistent with what the team told me," Goodell said during his State of the NFL speech. "It was the appropriate thing to do and I think it sent a message." Oh, c'mon Specter. Is there really nothing more substantive to the well being of the country that you could focus on? Everything else is hunky dory I guess. The folks from Pennsylvania must be thrilled.