That Bastard Selig May Get My $159 Yet

I have a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.

Damn. Another great start by Piniero and Ankiel seems to be out of his rut the past two games. 5-10 with 3 runs, 3 RBI, 3 doubles, a long ball, 11 TB and 0 Ks is music to my ears. Mind you, I'm not holding my breath over this club, but they are certainly more fun to follow than last year's version. If they keep this up for another few weeks I'm going to need that cunning plan to convince Mrs. Southlandish to let me purchase the MLB Extra innings package.

Me, If I Were British

More notes from the lunatic fringe: Arrest after Stags owner attack

A man has been arrested after the owner of Mansfield Town was attacked following his side's defeat in a crucial League Two relegation match.

Police confirmed they were called to the club's boardroom just before 1700 BST on Saturday after an attack on Keith Haslam.

He suffered minor head injuries and was released from the King's Mill Hospital following treatment.

A 45-year-old local man was arrested on suspicion of assault.

He was being questioned at Mansfield police station on Sunday afternoon.

The Stags were defeated 1-0 at home to Rotherham and are now almost certain to be relegated to non-league football.

In a sense this is every disgruntled fan's dream come true. Hell, I still get the urge to slap Bill Bidwell silly from time to time.

Phew!

Notts County is safe!

Richard Butcher scored the only goal as Notts County beat Wycombe to end their relegation worries.

Butcher converted a pass from Jason Lee after Myles Weston opened up the visiting defence with a great run.

Wycombe, who rested several players with the play-offs in mind, had almost scored after two minutes but Scott McGleish headed against the post.

Notts keeper Russell Hoult denied Delroy Facey, while Wycombe's Sam Stockley saw red for a second booking.

Actually, it was this Notts win combined with Mansfield's loss to Rotherham that sealed the deal for the Magpies.

Dag & Red also won today leaving Mansfield and Chester fighting to avoid the drop. All Chester needs is a point from its two last games to relegate Mansfield.

It looks like it is bye bye Stags.

Notts County: Four Point From Safety

Here is how the wild and woolly world of English League Two looks at the moment.

P GD PTS
1 Milton Keynes Dons 44 44 93
2 Peterborough 44 40 89
3 Hereford 44 26 82

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4 Rochdale 44 23 78
5 Stockport 43 18 78
6 Darlington 44 26 75
7 Wycombe 44 14 75

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8 Chesterfield 44 21 68
9 Bradford 44 4 62
10 Morecambe 44 -3 59
11 Brentford 44 -14 59
12 Rotherham 44 2 58
13 Barnet 44 -7 57
14 Bury 44 -5 55
15 Grimsby 44 -6 55
16 Lincoln City 44 -15 55
17 Shrewsbury 44 -9 48
18 Accrington Stanley 44 -34 48
19 Macclesfield 44 -18 46
20 Chester 43 -17 44
21 Notts County 44 -17 44
22 Dag & Red 44 -24 43

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23 Mansfield 44 -17 42
24 Wrexham 44 -32 37

Because Dag & Red play Mansfield on the last match day Wrexham is already relegated. For Notts it works this way:

Scenario #1: Mansfield wins both remaining games to finish at 48 points. Dag & Red could do no better than 46, leaving Notts two points from safety.

Scenario #2: Dag & Red wins both of its games to finish at 49 points. Mansfield could do no better than 45, leaving Notts one or two points from safety, depending upon goal differential.

Scenario #3: Dag & Red and Mansfield both end with a win and a draw ending the season at 47 and 46 points respectively, leaving Notts two or three points from safety, depending again upon goal differential.

Scenario #4: Dag & Red and Mansfield each end the season with two draws, leaving Notts needing one point for safety.

Any other results and Notts is already safe.

Ned Beatty Redux

Banjo hitters galore

It is almost as unbearable to look at the bottom of our lineup today as it is to watch that awful, iconic scene from Deliverance. LaRue .067, Miles .250, Lohse .111, Izturis .182. If the 6-9 slots get 10 ABs and muster a HBP, a sac bunt and a ground ball that advances a runner, it'll be a sterling offensive performance that will leave me squealing in delight....

...9th Inning Update: Well, smack my ass and call me Judy. The banjos are 6-15, 1 BB, 0K, 3R, 3 RBI and Izturis even added the ever crucial HBP I was hoping for.

A Better Pujols Sandwich

So the Cards recognize that he could use better protection and are keeping an eye open for the right fit. I'd feel a lot better if there were a name or two mentioned as an option. At least throw me the bone of a vague, unfounded or wildly optimistic rumor to go along with the recapitulation of woes that has been our number four slot.

Until then, a new addition sounds like a lot of wishful thinking. How's that go? Wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which fills up first...

For The Love Of All That's Holy

It is snowing here again. Actually, there is a fucking blizzard going on outside (or close to it.) The forecast is for 6 to 10 inches of snow.

I will also forecast 4 or 5 Jack Rose's which I will consume tonight. If you are not familiar with the Jack Rose, do yourself a favor and get acquainted.

2 ounces Applejack
1 ounce lime juice
1/4 to 1/2 ounce grenadine (to taste)

Shake with ice, strain into a cocktail glass and drink. Repeat.

You will see lemon juice instead of lime in some versions, but there is no question that the lime is better.



Shit. It is snowing harder now than when I started writing this.

Where's my shaker?

Is This Pie Or A Play At The Plate?

Leo Durocher's Porno Money Shot

From a P-D article:

At issue is whether Pujols could have slid around Towles instead of through Towles to score Tuesday night. Towles said he gave Pujols "enough of the plate" to get around. The Cardinals didn't see that sliver. They teach the catcher to give a slice of the plate for the runner to slide toward.

La Russa contends Pujols did as he was instructed.

"I thought Albert did (Towles) a favor by just sliding to take his legs out," he said. "The kid is not giving anything to slide at, so that's what we teach — to slide in and take the legs out. He's going to get blasted one of these days."

The talk about slivers and slices and paths to the plate sounds more like a nursery rhyme or James Joyce novel than a baseball discussion. I cannot believe that I've never heard this shit before.

I've played a lot of sports at very mediocre levels and a few at abysmal levels, though in fairness most of those involved loads of booze, extreme hangovers or combinations thereof. The only place I ever excelled was behind the plate. For some reason, when catching I was tenacious, utterly fearless, and arrogant beyond all measure from the time I was about 8.

I was taught to be aggressive and the rules for blocking the plate are the quintessential example of this. I was told you get a couple of feet up the 3rd base line and plant your left foot towards 3rd with the shin guard as protection and keep your right foot towards the incoming ball. That way if you go down on a knee to catch the ball and brace for impact, your exposed right thigh is back and the left shin guard takes the spikes. Always bluff that the throw is coming on time and on line. If at the last minute it isn't, then get the hell out of the way fast. It isn't your job to keep the runner happy and healthy. He should have been taught to take instructions from the on-deck batter. If he is dumb enough to be suckered by you and slides dangerously or way past the plate and the ball comes in time to tag him, good on you.

If it is on time and on line, brace yourself and take up as much space as possible, but first CATCH AND SECURE THE DAMNED BALL. The hope was always that straight through you was the only path to the plate and they would slide directly into your forward leg, be stopped dead in their tracks and you would simply drop the tag on them. Or, they would come in à la Pete Rose on Ray Fosse. Fair enough, since only one of you had on protective gear and if you secured the ball, the runner was running into the tag. If you are a couple of feet up the line and making yourself large, they have to go so far out of the way to get around you that they have almost no chance of getting back to touch the plate. The idea of giving them a path is jaw-dropping to me.

I know I sound like the 2000 Year Old Man (I guess if that routine is a cultural touchstone for you then you are by definition ancient), but does anyone know when this new technique of offering a path the plate started? I understand the desire to avoid injuries to high priced players in the modern era, but since catchers are usually relatively big, mean and expendable, it seems to me incumbent upon the billion dollar position players like Pujols to avoid the collision. I cannot fathom a catcher (or anyone in baseball) ever being pissed about being taken out with a hard slide on a play at the plate. I don't care if there is a sliver, a slice or all things nice. Taking him down may mean dropping or missing the ball. WTF is the difference between that and the latitude a runner gets for disrupting the double play at second? Unfathomable.

The game has passed me by. Next thing you know they'll announce that rubbing spit and dirt into an injury has no medical value....

Why I Remain Unconvinced

I don't understand it. The takeoff was beautiful.

The Cards have had a nice beginning to the season. The starting pitching has been exemplary; the insertion of Rick Ankiel as an everyday center fielder has proved to be a major upgrade over a hurting Jim Edmonds; the newcomers are contributing both offensively and defensively; we are winning without huge numbers being put up by Pujols; and the bullpen is showing that they can get the job done as long as they are not overworked.

Think that will last indefinitely? I don't. You can expect to get innings from Wainwright and Lohse, but who else can you really count on? You have pitchers who will be returning from various injuries, but I find it hard to believe Pineiro will be able to jump right in and be as effective as he was last year down the stretch. I also don't believe Mulder will be a plus pitcher...not this year at least.

Its true, the bullpen should improve by the return of Thompson to its ranks when he is no longer needed as a starter, but it seems likely he will be overworked as will the rest of the bullpen as we try to incorporate Mulder and Pineiro back into the mix.

Offensively, if Ankiel cools off will anyone have to pitch to Pujols at all? They have been avoiding him as it is. We have been winning but it isn't like we are knocking the cover off the ball. Overall I think we will hit okay, but cool periods will kill us.

The fast start has been nice, but this still looks like a .500 team to me.

Balls Just Like Pucks For Blues...

...they still can't buy a lucky bounce. Here is what the Live Blog of the NHL Draft Lottery (no really...they had a live blog for that) looked like over at St. Louis Game Time:

And here we go.

Picking fifth: Islanders. That means Blues still alive for the top.

Picking fourth: ….the Blues. Fuck.

Well that was anti-climatic.

Tell me about it. So it is no teen phenom like Stamkos for the Blues....again. Of course I don't know why this should surprise me. After all, this is a team that most notable talent of the last 30 years was acquired as an overweight underachiever. Don't get me wrong. I love Hullie (although he is STILL in the goddam crease), but I'm ready for him to be eclipsed in the Blues pantheon.

So, what does the number four pick in this years draft mean for St. Louis? If they are picking purely on talent, and they stick to their aversion for everything Russian, it should mean a blue chip prospect...a blue chip defensive prospect. For a team that had heaps of trouble scoring this season it isn't an ideal situation, and there will be plenty of gripes from the fans whatever the Blues do. If they play it safe fans will scream about the lack of help at forward. If they take a flyer on a not-so-highly-rated forward fans will bitch about the Blues "reaching." It's a classic lose-lose situation.

If you are a Blues fan you are already familiar with those.

Commercial Considerations

As I was watching the end of the Blues game last night, wondering if I should enjoy the victory (which is preferable: a meaningless two points or a better chance in the lottery?), one of the Blues ubiquitous “Bluenote” code commercials came on. You know the ones—the commercials where members of the team talk about “good being the enemy of great,” and saying the code means doing “whatever it takes.” When the season started, we didn’t know that “it” included having one of the worst power plays in the league. We also didn’t realize until later that while “good” might be the enemy of “great,” it is still damn close friends with “mediocre.”

Why were these commercials still running at this point in the year? What could they be generating for the team: increased revenue and greater ticket sales, or increased sarcasm and reduced credibility?

It seems the big three sports teams in St. Louis put all of their advertising eggs into one single campaign, and stick with it regardless of a team’s actual play. That’s why the Rams were still telling fans that “you gotta believe” when the team was 0-8. Gotta believe in what? That the team could go 0-16? That the Linehan hire was a disaster?

Here’s a humble suggestion: why not have a back-up campaign, just in case the season goes south? One of the Rams’ commercials featured Isaac Bruce claiming, “I believe.” A few games in, that commercial seemed like a cruel joke. How easy would it have been to shoot a second version, with the Rev. Ike saying, “I believe . . . in the Lord above. Our offensive line, however, gives me considerable pause.” The Blues could have shot alternative versions of their commercials featuring Keith Tkachuck saying, “The Bluenote code . . . is more a loose set of guiding principles, with loose being the key word here. In fact, I’m pretty sure codes are forbidden under the current collective bargaining agreement.”

I hope the Cardinals are listening. Right now, their slogan—“Play like a Cardinal”—means playing with much better than expected starting pitching and inspired play by outfielder Rick Ankiel. I hope it stays that way. If in a few months, however, playing like a Cardinal means playing 15 games below .500, we here at Get a Sporting Life humbly offer our services as ad copy writers. Example: “When we said play like a Cardinal, we didn’t say which Cardinal.” (Quick, somebody see if Steve Lake is available to shoot a commercial.)

Heaven On A Thursday

It's been a long cold lonely winter around these northerly climes. Cabin fever set in during early January and, because of God's piss poor placement of Wisconsin latitude wise, there was only 2 or 3 more months of cold and snow to look forward to...at best.

Yesterday, however, the sun came out, the thermometer hit 57 degrees, the seven inches of snow that fell on Monday was melted away, and I was able to sit on my back patio for the afternoon, with a six dollar cigar and a rocks glass of Jameson's 12 Year Old Irish Whiskey, and listen to the Cards out pitch the Rockies in faraway St. Louis.

I damn near wept.

Al Lang Syne

The place holds a special place in my heart as it was there I got to shake Jack Buck's hand, something I mentioned in one of the first posts last year. He and Shannon used to call the games from a glorified table at the back of the seats behind home plate. They were pretty much just right out there a few rows behind us. No press box at that time. I told him one of the hardest things about moving to Florida was never being able to turn on a radio and hear his calls. Just how the fuck did I survive down here pre-internet??!?!

So this Jayson Stark story about the end of Al Lang left me very sad indeed. It is a terrific read, though. Of course, any baseball article that mentions George Kissell at length is stellar by definition.

New MLS Column

Shaka Hislop has been given the nod to write a weekly MLS blog post for the Guardian. His first installment published last Friday. The MLS has been getting some attention on the Football Weekly podcast with the crew even going so far as to ring up Mike Cardillo, whose soccer dominated blog is That's On Point. Any MLS mention on Football Weekly usually elicits a wave of stupidity and pettiness in their blog comments.

So I took a peek into the comments on Hislop's first MLS post, expecting the worst. To my astonishment, the comments thread was a long remarkably well-informed and serious back and forth that touched on the MLS/North American franchise draft model vs. European youth development model, comparisons between the MLS & Mexican League and general discussion of where the MLS stands. There was a fantastic mix of contributers who are Brit ex-pats in the US, Canadians, Americans and I'm guessing a few American ex-pats in the UK. Several of them are among the best of the Football Weekly posters. There was a shocking level of civility and curiousity with people asking genuine questions, receiving informed answers and respectfully critiquing in kind. I'm not sure how much of this the internet can take....

Clash Of The Titans?

There is a match today that could have huge repercussions for Notts County's survival in League 2 this season. Luckily, Notts isn't even involved. When bottom feeders Mansfield host Wrexham literally dozens of people worldwide will be anxiously...um...napping possibly...but still a draw of some sort would do wonders for the Magpies so *I* at least have to pay attention.

Relegation battles such as this one usually draw greater interest from fans who spent most of the preceding matchdays washing their car or staring at a blank wall for hours wondering just how their life could have gone so terribly wrong. Unfortunately, for the Mansfield fan base, a lot of them will be turned away at the gate: Stags capacity cut for crunch tie

Mansfield Town has had its capacity cut by 50% for a crucial home match in the League Two relegation battle.

The Stags face bottom club Wrexham at Field Mill at 1945 BST on Tuesday.

The county council said it imposed the reduction after "an interruption in safety management" due to the resignation of chairman James Derry.

Stephen Booth, the club's chief executive, said he was "disappointed" by the decision, which allows a maximum 4,682 fans into the ground.

Yes, a crushing blow for a side that drew 2,616 back on March 22nd against Grimsby.

A Blissful Summer Awaits

A innocent, fresh-faced pre-2007 season Southlandish.

A quick review of yesterday's line scores shows that no other NL Central team was up by four runs in the third. Izturis and Glaus reached base twice, Pujols homered, Ankiel had two RBI, Wainwright gave up only one run, the bullpen was perfect and no one on the roster died. Oh, and the Cubs lost. As such, I've decided to spare myself the anguish from 162 games of soul-crushing, mind-numbing defeat (my that has a nice ring to it). I'm declaring the Cardinal season a wild success, ignoring the rest of the schedule and focusing on the Illini's prospects in football this fall. I'm open to suggestions for a post-Illini focus after declaring victory in the August intra-squad matches....