(Get) A Sporting Life

That's the question from today's issue of The Fiver from The Guardian. How they do relish their potshots at Americans: Barry Glendenning and Tom Lutz 29 May 2007 AMERICAN IDIOT When David Beckham retires from football at the end of this season and goes to play for LA Galaxy, he will find a kindred spirit in his new club president. "It was hard to go places without people recognising me," former USA! USA! USA! centre-half Alexi Lalas once told an interviewer. "But if the worst thing that ever happens to me is signing autographs and having to take pictures with people, I'll have had a fortunate life." Sadly, it turns out that being constantly mistaken for time-travelling wizard Catweazle isn't the worst thing that's going to happen to Alexi now that Fifa has told him he has to release Beckham for future England friendlies ... if he's selected by Second-Choice Steve or - after next Wednesday - his successor. "I don't want to stand in th...

Some random thoughts: The Ottawa forwards had an off night. Spezza in particular looked terrible. I'm wondering if the nine day lay-off took its toll there. Heatley is gonna have to decide if he is a hockey player or a South American soccer forward. He can't keep falling to the ice every time he gets breathed on. His flopping is an embarrassment. Despite what the folks on Versus said, I didn't think either goalie let in a soft goal. Getzlaf did a great job making Emery think he might pass the puck and then slid that nice backhand shot by the goalie. You have to tip your hat to the forward there. Anaheim's physical play did seem to knock the Sens back on their heels, but I expect we will see Ottawa improve and compete better in game two. Surprise, surprise! Brad May CAN still play effective hockey! Who knew?

Southlandish stated: And the only damned thing I've heard about in sport is Beckham and the English squad. I didn't have the heart to tell him that while the Brewers were being swept by the Padres the Cards were busy dropping two of three to the Nationals.

The Iconic Midwesterner wishes it to be known that he does not share in Southlandish's jet setting life style. Further, the IM wishes it to be known that he is extremely jealous. The IM would be justified in his jealousy if Southlandish were spending his evenings in the arms of Miss England. Alas, he can take solace in the fact that Mr. & Mrs S-landish just spent an evening huddled over a small grill in the pouring rain and drinking a lovely $20 Cotes du Rhones. A wine that would be all the more impressive were it not being poured from a 3 litre box. Ahhhhh, the good life. And the only damned thing I've heard about in sport is Beckham and the English squad. On the other hand, I did just find out I had WiFi access....

I'm gonna assume there will be no "goal disallowed" shenanigans in the finals. Though, why I can just assume that even I'm not sure. (Brett Hull's Cup clinching "goal" anyone?) I'm just gonna hope for a well officiated Finals. So lets break down these teams, shall we: Goaltending : Everything starts with the net minders. Even in the "new" NHL, good goalies are gonna stop 91-94% of the pucks thrown at them. So it is Ottawa's Emery against the Duck's Giguere. Emery has gone 12-3 in the playoffs with 3 shutouts and a .919 save percentage. Giguere has gone 9-3 with no shutouts and a .931 save percentage. GASL will give a slight advantage to Anaheim here. Giguere played a bigger role in getting the Duck's to this point then Emery has. Emery has yet to face real adversity in these playoffs, while Giguere came up huge against Detroit. Anaheim +1 Defense : Both Ottawa and Anaheim have deep bluelines. Ottawa's defensemen have picked...

For any who might have missed it here is the US National Team roster for the Gold Cup: GOALKEEPERS (3) – Brad Guzan (Chivas USA), Tim Howard (Everton FC), Kasey Keller (Borussia Moenchengladbach) DEFENDERS (8) –Carlos Bocanegra (Fulham FC), Jonathan Bornstein (Chivas USA), Jay DeMerit (Watford FC), Frankie Hejduk (Columbus Crew), Oguchi Onyewu (Standard de Liege), Michael Parkhurst (New England Revolution), Frank Simek (Sheffield Wednesday), Jonathan Spector (West Ham United) MIDFIELDERS (8) – DaMarcus Beasley (PSV Eindhoven), Michael Bradley (SC Heerenveen), Ricardo Clark (Houston Dynamo), Clint Dempsey (Fulham FC), Benny Feilhaber (Hamburger SV), Justin Mapp (Chicago Fire), Pablo Mastroeni (Colorado Rapids), Steve Ralston (New England Revolution) FORWARDS (4) – Brian Ching (Houston Dynamo), Landon Donovan (Los Angeles Galaxy), Eddie Johnson (Kansas City Wizards), Taylor Twellman (New England Revolution) Really not a surprise in the lot. No DC United players are in the mix and that is...

Do you remember when an honest to goodness rag-tag bunch of misfits got to within 60 minutes of a Stanley Cup finals? Here is what that looked like:

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant... Different skit but a classic . Tomorrow I’m off for thee weeks in Limeyland. I’m going to see if I can scrounge up a ticket for the England-Brazil friendly at Wembley, though Mrs. Southlandish wants no part of it. Even if I can find a ticket, I doubt that I’ll be willing or able to part with the cash it will take, given an appalling 2-1 exchange rate. The upside is that I’ll be blissfully ignorant of the Cardinals struggles and will be able to watch the next round of Euro 2008 matches from an English pub, though the prospect of $7 pints is a bit daunting. My blogging will be limited. So you’ve got that going for you.

Liverpool has to consider themselves unlucky to be down 1-0 at halftime. They dominated play almost from the get-go. Milan get the goal on an uncalled Inzaghi hand ball to boot. Oh well, I guess it could be worse for Liverpool. They could be down 3-0.

The NHL officials are trying to give the series to the Detroit Red Wings. The Red Wings have committed 7 or 8 callable infractions in the 3rd period. None of course were called. It's a joke. A fucking joke. The NHL is a joke. A fucking joke. The league is fixed. UPDATE: The four penalty calls in a row, all against Anaheim, during the last 10 minutes of the game was simply inexcusable. This is especially so since multiple Red Wings infractions were ignored, both earlier in the period and during that final 10 minutes. Look, either you let them play it on the ice OR you call EVERYTHING STRAIGHT UP, FOR BOTH TEAMS, REGARDLESS OF WHO IS AHEAD IN THE GAME . Anything less leaves you wide open to charges of capriciousness. It strikes me as obvious that the on ice officials had a preference for who they wanted to win this game.

Unfortunately, I'm not talking about the Cardinals (although they are up on the Pirates 9-2 in the 7th.) No, I'm talking about one of my fantasy teams, The Wisconsin Walleyes . Miguel Cabrera (Fla - 3B) Matt Holliday (Col - OF) Travis Hafner (Cle - Util) Adam Dunn (Cin - OF) Édgar Rentería (Atl - SS) Paul Konerko (CWS - 1B) Josh Barfield (Cle - 2B) Freddy Sánchez (Pit - 2B,3B,SS) Eric Byrnes (Ari - OF) Chris B. Young (Ari - OF) Mike Jacobs (Fla - 1B) John Buck (KC - C) Francisco Rodríguez (LAA - RP) Ben Sheets (Mil - SP) Chad Cordero (Was - RP) Brad Penny (LAD - SP) Tom Glavine (NYM - SP) Gil Meche (KC - SP) Kelvim Escobar (LAA - SP) James Shields (TB - SP) Jason Jennings (Hou - SP) Mark Hendrickson (LAD - SP,RP) Shaun Marcum (Tor - SP,RP) Now, I'm not exactly setting the league on fire at this point (I'm 7th out of 12), but I'm set up to pile up the stats over the summer months. My pitching is far superior to the staff I started with, so I should start rolling soon...

Over the weekend "BillPickle" sent me the following item related to the Cardinals: Maybe the Cardinals need a Bull Durham moment. Of course since Tony and half the team speak Spanish, he and Jose Oquendo's exchange would be something like this*: Tony: Usted tipos. Usted lollygag la pelota alrededor del terreno central. Usted lollygag su manera hacia abajo a primero. Usted lollygag en y fuera de la trinchera. ¿Usted sabe lo que que hace usted? ¡Jose! Jose: ¡Lollygaggers! Tony: Lollygaggers! Tony: Jose, lo que es nuestro registro? Jose: 16 y 23 Tony: 16 y 23, ¿Cómo ganaríamos nosotros 16? Jose: Es un milagro Tony: Es un milagro *Apologies for the translation. I just ran the text through an online translation service. SOUTHLANDISH: At this point I fear that if La Russa threw the bats at the team in the shower, most of them would wonder what these strange wooden objects were.

Well on their way into making themselves the most hated franchise this side of the Detroit Redwings, the Ottawa Senator's fan base carved out a new low : The Ottawa Senators want to make things right for a Buffalo Sabres fan who was assaulted after the team's most recent home game. Cyril Leeder, the Senators chief operating officer, said Friday the team has offered tickets to Renee Luck after learning the Buffalo woman was repeatedly punched in the face following the Sabres' 3-2 win in Game 4 of the Eastern Conference finals Wednesday. Luck's face was swollen and cut after she was assaulted by two men as she and a group of friends were leaving their seats at Scotiabank Place. Luck was rescued by other Senators fans. Ottawa police have identified suspects, but have not pressed charges. So, let me see if I have this straight. Ottawa fans are upset that they lose a game, so they go and beat the crap out of a woman. Yeah, that seems about their speed.

From The Southern: Vienna's Thompson to play for Majerus at SLU It just made perfect sense: a big man playing for a big man. Vienna's Brett Thompson ended a four-team recruiting battle Tuesday by verbally committing to Saint Louis University and new men's basketball coach Rick Majerus. The 6-foot-11, 255-pound center averaged 16 points, eight rebounds and eight blocks a game for the Eagles last year as a junior. He is ranked No. 108 in the country by Rivals.com and as the 16th best center in the nation. He will play for one of the largest coaches on the planet, as Majerus begins a six-year deal with the Billikens this winter. Saint Louis finished 20-13 last season, 8-8 in the Atlantic 10 Conference, and could return four of five starters this season. Thompson, 17, said Majerus' reputation for developing big men was one of the biggest reasons he chose to join the more than 7,000 undergraduates in the fall of 2008. "He's known as developing big men, with (Michael...

Are you ready for some clown baseball? Yes, it is time for interleague play, where baseball becomes a carnival sideshow, but without the saving grace of irony. Interleague play, where your quest for winning your National League division will be decided not in a season long contest against divisional rivals but by how you play against the Royals or the Orioles. Interleague play, when everyone seems to forget that this novelty act ran out of steam about three years ago. And, sadly, interleague play, where pseudo-fans fill the parks because everyone loves a freak show.

It's another Kip Wells start tonight.

" Boys, penalty kicks are like jacking off. Once you learn how you never forget ." Talk about the ultimate fantasy sports franchise . From The Guardian's daily soccer e-mail blast, The Fiver, on May 10: A website named MyFootballClub is asking 50,000 people to pay GBP35 in a bid to raise GBP1.75m to buy an existing club, with each member an equal partner who will get to vote on team selection and what players to sell. "I've created a vehicle that will pool fans' opinions, passion and wealth and turn fantasy football into reality," declared its Fulham-supporting creator Will Brooks, adjusting his incredibly thick spectacles. Nasty Leeds currently top the poll of prospective purchases, followed by Cambridge United and Accrington Stanley. The BBC has more here .

From the PD: Sorry, wrong number: zero again They have discussed the merits of aggression and the need for patience. They have talked about squeezing every at-bat like it was more precious than a paycheck. Sunday afternoon, after watching another 2 hours, 28 minutes of offensive futility, Cardinals manager Tony La Russa suggested his team try yet another approach. Apologize. Two days after San Diego Padres ace, power arm and budding Cy Young Award candidate Jake Peavy throttled the Cardinals with 10 strikeouts, recent waiver claim Justin Germano used a softer approach to suppress the defending World Series champions for seven innings of a 3-0 Cardinals loss. Out of fresh theories and increasingly running out of patience, La Russa sided with exasperation in dealing with a familiar line of questioning. Noting starting pitcher Anthony Reyes' five serviceable innings that left him 0-6 in seven starts, La Russa directed reporters to his players for answers. "Ask the hitters," ...

Good God. Senators get yet another goal for an opponent disallowed. They get what could charitably be called "questionable" penalty calls to give them a two-man advantage to take a lead. (To my mind one of those penalties was questionable, the other was a complete and utter joke.) Alfredsson gets no call on an obvious boarding call that was borderline for being a major penalty. AND they get a winning goal off of a draw that looked like the linesman was throwing the puck backward. (Did that look like a fair draw to anyone???) For all of those who say that all the breaks "even out," I defy you to look at the last three months of Ottawa's season and see anything evening out.

I've noticed, belatedly, that someone else has picked up on how bad Kara Yorio's rant against playoff overtime in the NHL was. (I covered the issue here ). From Greg Wyshynski at the AOL Sportsblog : Keith Jones and Brian Engblom of VERSUS have proposed different variations of a plan in which OT would drop to four-on-four after one or two periods; they appeared close to throwing a tantrum last night as an entertaining Detroit/Calgary game crept deeper into OT. In an editorial in the Globe and Mail, Steve McAllister floated the idea that a regular-season skills competition could one day determine the Stanley Cup champion. (Is this what happens in Toronto when the Leafs miss the playoffs?) Whoever was wearing the antlers for The Bellowing Moose column on NBCSports.com last week agreed that it was time to consider a shootout: "Here's a suggested compromise for the NHL: play one overtime period five on five. If the game is still tied, play another period of four on four. I...

Yesterday's P-D article by Joe Strauss on booze and the Cardinals included this line tossed in at the end: Police did not interview Cardinals players as part of their investigation. Huh?!? I don't pretend to know how investigations of these events occur, but the police have stated that they were trying to piece together the hours leading up to Hancock's accident and they have clearly interviewed all sorts of witnesses. Yet they still claim they cannot for his whereabouts in the two hours between leaving the ballpark and arriving at Shannon's. Why the fuck are they not interviewing the 25 guys who spend 6-8 every day at the ballpark with him and socialize afterward? There is something deeply weird about this. Anybody have insight into this?

Wow, what an unpleasant game to watch! New England was bad, United was worse, and the referee was the absolute worst. Another MLS hat-trick. Oh sure, DC had loads of non-threatening possession. We are the kings of the pre-game drills scene, but we almost never threatened the Revs goal. Addlery was at least active, but Emilio looked terrible. Soehn, showing clearly that he wasn't actually watching the game, takes Addlery out to put in Moreno at the half. Emilio becomes actually more invisible. Meanwhile the ref Vaughn is trying his best to discredit the entire sport. First he gives DC a PK on a 50/50 ball. That play is actually called a foul 5% of the time, and a PK maybe once in 500. Next he red cards Sharlie Joseph on a play that looked worse than it actually was. I think a yellow would have been fair. (Waldo didn't even think it was a foul...he must have started drinking early.) To top it all off he gives a yellow to Emilio for existing, I think....it is so hard to be sure si...

During a decade of travels across Europe, a copy of The Guardian has been my constant companion. It’s a great newspaper and has been light years ahead of its American counterparts in embracing technology and new media. This week’s Football Weekly podcast cements its status as the best. Exhibit A is this excerpt (at 38:20) where, in response to his strong finish in an impromptu on-air quiz, Barry Glendenning quips: "Like the bloke in Lutze's 'special interest' video, I came from behind with a surge." I'll take the New York Times seriously as a modern media outlet as soon as I hear George Vecsey on a baseball podcast describing the Yankee's April as "A Rod's deep drives come to nothing."

I'm sure I am not the only person to notice that this Cardinal team is shockingly bad. You know, I don't care that we just won (improbably) the World Series, Walt Jocketty should be raked over hot coals for the state of this team. Sure the state of the pitching is not Walt's fault, and we do have some extra arms in the organization that should be able to help out, but the state of the outfield has been abysmal from day one of spring training. It won't be getting better anytime soon. 1. Jim Edmonds. Sure he tries hard, but it looks increasingly as if the game has passed him by. He can still catch the balls he can catch up to, but he can't throw and he simply is not the hitter he was a couple of years ago. 2. Preston Wilson. Preston should not be an everyday outfielder. I could see keeping around in a platoon situation, but the sad fact is there is nobody to platoon him with. At this point in his career overexposure will kill what little Wilson could offer the Cards. ...

That is the word for this Cardinal's season, and it doesn't look like it will get any better. From the PD : Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock was in a potentially serious traffic accident less than three days before the one that took his life Sunday, according to police reports. Hancock walked away from that early Thursday morning crash uninjured, but he was late for the team's afternoon game a few hours later. The club and several teammates said he had overslept. But sources say he was late because he was hung over. Two nights later, after pitching in a Saturday afternoon game, Hancock spent the evening at Mike Shannon's Steaks and Seafood drinking to a point of impairment, according to a couple at the restaurant. The couple said they overheard Hancock telling ESPN broadcaster Dave Campbell that manager Tony La Russa had been infuriated with Hancock on Thursday because he was "too hung over to play." A club source also said Hancock was hung over when he arrived ...