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Euro2008 Predictions, Sort Of

By Anonymous
What the fuck do I know about soccer? Well, actually more than this Southlandish guy.

Time for a prediction for the last Euro2008 semi-final. Why not. I'm in a masochistic mood, having just returned from the Disney area of Orlando. In a moment of weakness, I agreed to accompany Mrs. Southlandish to a conference. There are five days of my life I'll never get back. The vile, venomous vitriol I spewed describing the area in e-mails, shocked even some of my hardened friends. The English language is bereft of words to describe just how much I loathe that fucking place.* A single day's experience at Epcot a dozen years ago was enough to tell me that Disney should be avoided at all costs and for 18-plus years I successfully dodged it. As hot, muggy shitholes go, it is worse than in my nightmares. The whole place looks like an architect eating Skittles puked on the plans and some genius declared, BUILD IT! Think of Houston and East St. Louis producing a Technicolor urban love child, minus their respective culture and style. Add $14 hamburgers and $15 martinis. Worst of all, the whole sweltering cesspool is teeming with humanity. The experience left me yearning for a holiday in the slums of Calcutta.**

A water view and penny a pint local grog, you say? I'll take it.
It's already better than the Disney crap heap where I last stayed.

OK, enough of that rant. On to the inevitably wrong predictions. Spain will bring the Russian train to a halt with a 2-1 win. With that established, I'm going to leap ahead and predict a Russian victory over the Germans on Sunday.

*It was appropriate that George Carlin died while I was in Orlando. In his honor, for 120 hours I failed to utter a single sentence that did not include a combination of his infamous seven words.

**Since I am so clearly a glass-half-full kind of guy, I'm always looking for silver linings. In this case, it is safe to say Mrs. Southlandish will not me requesting my presence at Orlando conferences in the near future. Mission Accomplished.
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