Players Kicked Off Scotland Side For "Being Too Scottish"

Barry Ferguson and Allan McGregor have been dropped for Scotland's World Cup qualifier tonight for being "too Scottish", the Scottish Football Association have confirmed.

It is understood the Rangers duo were displaying their "blatant Scottishness" in a drinking session at Scotland's Loch Lomond base after they returned from Saturday's 3-0 defeat by Holland in Amsterdam.

"It was shocking!" shrieked SFA spokesman I. Fellate Youngboys to the media on Wednesday. "We had no idea this sort of thing could happen. First these two borrowed 90 pounds from the head coach, and then they bought a bottle of that horrid 'Scotch'. And then, to make matters worse, they drank it!" Mr. Youngboys then preceded to squeal and stamp his feet. "It gives me the silly willies just thinking about it."

It is alleged that Ferguson, 31, and McGregor, 27, carried on drinking and reciting Robert Burns' poetry in front of guests at the Cameron House Hotel hours after their team-mates had drifted off to their rooms, much to manager George Burley's anger.

"I had no idea when I took this job," said a visibly shaken Burley, "that the term 'Scotland' would mean I could have players who would be or act Scottish. I thought the term was meant to be ironic like 'Greenland' or something."

Ferguson and McGregor could not be reached for comment as they were busy stuffing a sheep stomach for a late night "snack." Authorities have been warned of the possibility of further acts of Scottishness being perpetrated by these two scoundrels.

Tonight the United Kingdom rests uneasy.

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