Skip to main content

Would That The World Actually Worked This Way

By
From the Onion:Tampa Bay Devil Rays Change Name, Uniform, Sport

TAMPA BAY, FL—Tampa Bay Devil Rays officials announced Monday that the team will be shortening its name to the "Tampa Bay Rays," that their updated uniforms will feature a blue-and-white color scheme accented by orange rays of sunshine, and that they are now a minor-league hockey team in the Florida Panthers system. "We tried the combination of calling ourselves the Devil Rays, wearing purple-and-black uniforms, and playing the sport of baseball for 10 years, and it just didn't work out," said Rays goalie Carl Crawford, noting that it was time to move the franchise away from its association with the distinctly shaped sea-dwelling mammal, the diabolical connotations of their team nickname, and the practice of hitting and catching baseballs. "These changes will make our team more marketable, triple our fan base, and finally, give us a realistic chance to win. I can't wait to get back on the ice!" The Tampa Bay Rays will play their first game of the Mid-Atlantic Hockey League season tomorrow night against their in-state expansion team rivals, the Miami Ice Dolphins.

It's funny because it should be true.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Note of Optimism About the Note

By
 If you have been trying to watch the St. Louis Blues attempt to play hockey of late it would be hard to believe the word optimism could ever be in play. The losses continue relentlessly, often in the "never in the game" style, but increasingly in a "lose from winning position" flair which is enough to make someone turn on the news for an upbeat change of pace. (Wow, plane crashes and LUNACY!) This team still can't score with the regularity needed to win consistently in this league. The coaching staff knows they have precious few natural goal scorers (one is precious few), so they attempt to make up for it by getting what I call "process" goals, i.e. goals scored by virtue of constant pressure, crazy bounces, accidental deflections, etc. Basically, any goal you can get from a player who doesn't have the knack for scoring them on their own. The Blues are something like zero for their last 12-15 breakaway chances, and zero for their last 25-30 2 on 1...
Post a Comment
Read more

Matt Damon: "James Bond Should Be A Wuss, Like Me."

By
Alright, maybe Damon didn't say that exactly, but he might as well have : Hollywood star Matt Damon has dismissed James Bond as being stuck in the past. The actor, who appears in the Bourne thrillers, said: "The Bond character will always be anchored in the 1960s and in the values of the 1960s." The suave spy was "so anachronistic when you put it in the world we live in today", he said, but added that Bourne was no better or worse than Bond. Damon was speaking in London, where The Bourne Ultimatum, the third film in the franchise, is having its UK premiere. "Bond is an imperialist and a misogynist who kills people and laughs about it, and drinks Martinis and cracks jokes," he told reporters. "Bourne is a serial monogamist whose girlfriend is dead and he does nothing but think about her." Bourne mooning over his dead girlfriend is something we should be excited to see? Give me a break. At least Bond lives in a world where it is killed or be ki...
5 comments
Read more

Blues Beat Bugbear

By
 The St. Louis Blues have not had many out-of-character results so far this season. For the most part they have been handling the teams they usually handle and doing nothing against the teams that seem to always have their number. There is some solace to be had just knowing that you are going to probably beat Calgary, and will probably lose to Columbus, just as the sun will most likely rise in the East tomorrow. Granted that isn't an ideal set of affairs for a sports team, but Blues fans have learned to take what they can get. Which is why it is fair to say last night's victory over Utah was unusual. The Blues do not play well against that collection of players. Ever. So, any victory would be noteworthy in this matchup, but the resilience they showed last night was an added bonus. The Blues still have crappy puck luck, but last night they didn't let it get them down and, miracle of miracles, the puck luck evened out for the game. For a change the PK wasn't always runnin...
Post a Comment
Read more