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Ready To Cover Themselves In Glory

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While hope springs eternal in St. Louis over the Cardinals, another match-up of great import to GASL occurs there Saturday - Mizzou v. Illinois. In this near mythical clash of titans, IM and I are at odds. Being sensible, he will be rooting for the team with a chance to win. Being an Illini fan, I will soon be placed on suicide watch.

It’s again being played at the Shithole Dome, home of the second worst sporting event I’ve ever attended – The Illini-Mizzou game of 2003. The only more depraved venue of my experience is that domed armpit on the shores of Tampa Bay. I still have nightmares of the spectacle I witnessed there.

The early line gives the Illini five points. Very ungenerous I’d say. They’ll need more help than that. Nonetheless, I’m allowing myself to enjoy a ray of optimism for the upcoming season, as I always do before it is brutally crushed shortly after the opening kickoff. In Saturday’s game I am going to go out on a limb and predict that at halftime I will still retain the thinnest reed of hope that a couple of comical, self-inflicted Mizzou turnovers and a defensive touchdown by the Illini could save them from complete embarrassment (i.e. a loss of more than two touchdowns).

As for the rest of the season, every year I lower my expectations for the Illini and every year I am disappointed. I’ve read that several publications/prognosticators are predicting as many as 7 wins and the chance for a bowl bid. I won’t dignify these raving lunatics with a link. Personally, I am going to declare the season a success if the Illini win three games, one of which is in the conference, and if no player is convicted of sexual battery*. Success, I suspect, will hinge on a glacial turn of the wheels of justice.


* this only applies to any new charges for this season. Those already on the docket are grandfathered in.

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