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I'm In Desperate Need Of A Bad Geographer...

...who can make the argument to FIFA that the United States (and presumably Canada as well) are not in North America at all but are really part of Europe and thus the US Men's National Team should be playing in UEFA. The truth is I'm sick and tired of the racist refs the US has to put up with in CONCACAF. The entire region is the UN writ small, except instead of Iran and North Korea being named the heads of "Human Rights" Commissions we have tiny dicked refs with chips on their shoulders because their homeland hasn't quite mastered the wonders of indoor plumbing.

It ruins any enjoyment of watching the game. For example, in the first half of tonight's game we already have had a beautiful Clint Dempsey goal waived away and a yellow card handed out to Bradley...each for the same reason as far as I can see: playing soccer while Anglo.

It simply isn't worth it to wait around for the chance for the US to frogstomp the homelands of these refs whenever they pop up in World Cup qualifiers, because while yes we will pound the hell out of every little Central American country that plays us...in the process we will be dicked around by ANOTHER asshole ref whose age equals his IQ. In the end its boring and pointless. The only team that can match us is Mexico, but even in those matches they get so much help for their co-linguists it can't be all that satisfying.

That being the case I'd rather play in UEFA where people are more civilized (probably because they have the plumbing thing sorted.) I'm sure they have their share of shitty refs as well...but I long for good old fashioned incompetence to take the place of CONCACAF Banana Republicanism.

Comments

Southlandish said…
Be careful what you ask for. Having made some 15 trips to Europe since 2001, I don't think we're likely to get much sympathy there and the countries with shitty plumbing and a few million people (Croatians, Czechs) who put our asses in place with no need for corrupt refs.

Better to take the rational American business approach and identify your friends (i.e. those you can bribe). We start with the bounty of co-linguists we have in the Islands and work from there.

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